Being an artist isn't easy

From time to time I'm asked how I come up with so many potentially best-selling ideas. This is a question, however, which cannot be posed to some subjects of such inordinate talent or stature. Should Mount Everest know the origins of its size, or is its greatness and the fact of it looming over all other mountains [Ed note: here I display writing skills by using the word mountain as a metaphor for talentless hacks) sufficient?

Recently I have taken to drawing pregnant women. You could say my drawing pad has gone preggers, ha! [Ed. note: see how I effortlessly change directions from serious to uproarious humour.] 

Drawing women is always a sticky subject, no pun intended Jam Sabine. The simple fact is there are very, very few attractive women in this world and absolutely no attractive pregnant women. If we are to be realistic we simply must accept that most pregnant women's bodies are as appealing as one of those aborted bin babies discarded in the likes of Hackney.

To draw a women one must understand women. Basically they are insecure creatures due to their big thighs, wide hips, and asymmetric breasts. This understanding of female anatomy has proven effective in my recent sketches.

Another talent I have is capturing the absurd. It is a well-known trait of women to have a preposterous lack of coordination and inherently weak frame and underdeveloped muscles (hence their constant nagging of men). Therefore I thought it might be a good laugh to draw a 30-something-year-old preggers lass with a might bit gusto and umph whose taken up crime-fighting.

        
 
I headed to Britain's National Library but finding any historical images of woman with just a modicum of agility proved difficult. Fortunately I discovered a child's guide to martial arts, of which there were several photos of rather doughy children who had clearly been ignoring the sage British advice one pack of crisps a day.

The misshapen and disgusting figures of these children lent themselves as a rather good basis for a pregnant women, minus oversized lactating nipples and an unsightly hairy and stretched naval.

All in all, these drawings were a right good exercise in anatomy and absurdity. Obviously I had to make certain editorial decisions. For whatever reason, gestation renders the female face unbearable, what with the jowls and double chins and all, not to mention whatever else can occur from the hormones being off kilter, so I took the liberty of not detailing any faces. This, I thought, anyone would agree as a necessary step to keep the viewers' attention with a level of decency rather than the profane.

Well, I must get back to my pad (No, I'm not menstruating! Ha!) [Ed. note: Again, very reliable humour here.] and pen. Be sure to check back for more on Being an artist isn't easy.

Comments

[Pretend you are me - JJ that is]

Love the drawings - phat.
A good friend of mine - this is the bit in soap operas where the love-sick gormless teen cloaks his own feelings with that of his `friend` very effective device - loves women when they are pregnant and therefore loves making women pregnant. I think he just likes the fatties?

What are the fundamental differences between fatness and pregnancy, vis-a-vis, Camus?

[b]

im sorry, but i dont think that is considered art, that being what is shown above.